What Do You Say When Their Eyes Glaze Over?

It’s holiday season, 2021. Last year most of us were locked down pretty firmly. This year, it’s not quite the same.

Some of us are locked down again.

Some are looking forward to parties in person, although perhaps socially distanced.

Some are planning to party virtually with families and friends.

But no matter what the event, no matter how it’s taking place, there’s one question from which the solopreneur can never seem to escape:

So — what is it you do exactly?

It’s not just this holiday season and it’s not just when you meet people in person. — it happens at online events. Conferences. Zoom sessions… Any gathering where there are people you haven’t met and polite conversation must be made.

Even at socially distanced events, you just know that one person will chase you down like a heat-seeking missile and shout it from the required meter and a half…

“So – what is it you do exactly?”.

How do you answer that question?

Be honest. People who know you probably keep out of your way. They’ve been there. Asked that. Didn’t understand the answer.

As a teacher, or lawyer, or home-maker it’s easy. Those are jobs that are easily understood. The question is asked and answered and the conversation flows nicely with no embarrassing silences.

But: “I’m a solopreneur”? Instant confusion.

I know. I’ve done it. I once made the mistake of doing it at U.S. Immigration. It got worse — much worse — when I told the security officer my solopreneurship was centered on chickens (my online business niche). Forty minutes later I emerged from a cold, dark security office, having been hauled over the coals about bio-security and chemical poultry washes.

Lesson learned. These days when asked at US Immigration “What do you do?” I say I’m a writer. They smile and move on. It’s important to match the answer to the occasion.
Which takes us back to our event.

Are you dreading it? It could be worse. Gone (for now) is the bad dancing and the embarrassing sight of the boss approaching the karaoke microphone…
But “that” question. The question that can’t be avoided even in pandemic times.

First there’s the look of confusion as your conversation partner tries to compute the word. “Solopreneur? I’ve never heard of that before. What exactly is it?”
You have your “elevator speech” all ready.

Business name. Mission statement. Goals. Maybe even some statistics. Then the job description: administration. Writer. Marketing. Communication. Sales advisor. Chief cook and bottlewasher, as my dad used to say. Too much work. Not enough time. Long hours. No help…
By this time your conversation buddy’s concentration is showing clear signs of wavering. . She may even be on the edge of sleep.

You can tell by the eyes. They’ve glazed over.

And at the end of it all, your audience still has no clue what you do. You can see it in her face: “I have nooooooo idea what you just said there. And I really don’t care.”

You’ve lost the chance to engage.

Out of politeness, no one’s going to leave the Zoom room screaming “nooo, not another elevator speech!”. And let’s be honest, at a socially distanced event their options are limited. There’s literally no place to run.

But it’s hardly a sparkling conversation starter, is it? More like a Christmas Grinch.

Dull, dull, dull.

So there, in a nutshell, is your goal. Bring some light into the room.

The million dollar question is: how?

How to Do It Differently

Step 1: Learn From Meanies

Conversations about what solopreneurs do all day can easily start off on the wrong foot.

Consider two examples of ways in which people can undermine the solopreneur. They do it for a whole range of reasons — one being that they like to subvert success.
Or, being perhaps a little more gracious, they simply don’t understand.

(Ken Evoy wrote a book that covers this. It’s called “Why People Fail” and it’s available as a PDF download, here — free! Its sequel, “Coulda-Woulda-Shoulda: Turn Solopreneur Failure into Solopreneur Success,” is available at this Amazon link.)

The way my mother tells people what I do is like this:

Catherine? She plays on that blasted computer all day.

Sound familiar? The first time I heard it, I nearly had a fit. Play? Blasted computer?? All that hard work I do from dawn to dusk? The work that earns the money that means I can treat her to things she might otherwise never see or do?
Really??

It was all too much for my blood pressure. So I decided to do something I never thought I’d hear myself say. I decided to…

“Turn that frown upside down.”

(I know. Cheesy. But hey, it’s Christmas. There’s no escaping cheese.)

I use it now to my advantage. When I’m asked what I do, here’s what I say:

“What do I do? Well, my mother would describe it as “playing on my computer all day” (I leave out the slightly iffy “blasted” word).

Then I follow it up with: “And she’s right. That’s basically what I do.”

It’s often followed by a look of complete astonishment — sometimes even disdain. But the important thing is, it starts a conversation. It might have a bit of a shaky beginning…

What — you test computer games for a living?

Nooo — you’re one of those hacker people?

Or maybe:

But seriously — what does that even mean?

From all of those, we can move forward into a conversation that both explains and, I hope, entertains.

Before we discuss moving on from that, consider a second common example.

“Oh! You still have a job? I thought you must have been let go — so-and-so said they’ve seen you in your PJs in the middle of the day.”

Or “I guess this is a stop-gap until Covid’s gone and you can get back to the office.”

Similar situation. Someone who doesn’t understand — or doesn’t want to understand. Someone who’s maybe even a little jealous?

Or, giving the benefit of the doubt (well, it is the season of goodwill) maybe just someone who thinks they’re looking out for you. Who doesn’t want to see you “throw your life away” on a job with no meaning. Especially in these hard times.

Maybe it’s more to do with confusion and concern than bitterness. More to do with being immersed in a different time, a different culture: a culture that rests on the safety and security of a “job.”

But the world has changed — is changing in ways we could never have imagined just a couple of years ago. And, as a solopreneur, you’re able to change with it. The Great Resignation is not news to you – you gave up the 9-5 office job long ago.

So have confidence in your response. You have a great opportunity. No need to answer defensively.

How about:

Yep — I can spend the rest of my life in my PJs if I decide that’s the way I want to work – Covid or no Covid. I consider myself the luckiest person…

Isn’t that most people’s dream? Particularly those people who, pre-Covid, were caught up in the 9 to 5 world and now can’t face the thought of returning to an office?

To be able to spend the working day at home, relaxed, coffee on tap, school run sorted…

Misinformed or inaccurate (or just plain unpleasant) comments can be your way into a conversation about your life as a solopreneur.

Where to next? Or what if the conversation just starts without a hidden agenda: “Nice to meet you. Tell me what you do.”

That’s where audience engagement comes in. In an entertaining way, obviously.

Step 2: Engage Your Audience

When people ask the question, they’re often not really interested in the specifics of an answer. They’re asking as a way to find something in common that you can communicate about. If it’s family members, perhaps it’s to reassure themselves that you’re not on a path to certain self-destruction.

Your aim is to try to find a point of connection.

You won’t answer the question convincingly by giving a job description. Instead, you’re going to answer with feeling.

Consider two critical questions:

1. What does being a solopreneur really, deep down, mean to you?

What do you love most about being a solopreneur? Or if you’ve not reached those heady heights yet, what would you love most?

It’s not always an easy role — being “solo” can sometimes feel isolating, unless you have a strong, supportive community behind you. It can be tiring, frustrating and sometimes discouraging.

So why is it important to you? What’s your definition of “success”?

The meaning of “success” varies wildly from person to person. It depends on our individual backgrounds, our situations, our value systems.

And it’s not always about money or practical things. In fact, for many people money is a welcome benefit, but by no means the most meaningful outcome.

Here are some things our Solo Build It! community said when we asked them:

• Being able to give our son a dream childhood.
• Freedom to be with my family / to travel / to stay in my PJs / to work from wherever I want.
• Writing about something that I’m really passionate for.
• The flexibility to drive my business and my life in the way I want to.
• The excitement of knowing that my passion helps other people’s lives improve.

And this, from SBIer Leena Pekkalainen:

I dare to dream now, and act upon my dreams.

See how they’re not talking about “doing”? They’re very much about “being.” Being free. Being passionate. Being flexible. Being excited. Being able to dream.

So there we have the first question to ask yourself: not what do you do, but why you do it? What does being a solopreneur really mean to you?

2. How does being a solopreneur make you feel?

When you have an answer for that first question, move on to the second, bearing in mind some sage advice from Maya Angelou:

In other words, think not about what you do, but how what you do makes you feel.

Think about the passion you have for your niche — not just for the topic itself, but for how it affects people’s lives. How does that feel?

Because communicating your passion, your excitement, your energy — your light — will energize your conversation buddy.

(By this time, don’t be surprised if you have a whole group listening in, distancing or no distancing!)

They’ll leave that party feeling invigorated, stimulated, maybe even motivated to think about where their path in life is taking them. How they want to feel.

Being a solopreneur is not primarily about the doing. Of course, the doing is important — there’s no one else to do it all if not you.

But the important element is why you do it, and how that makes you feel. What drives you to jump out of bed each day feeling that your world is a great place to be?

Don’t start to sound obsessed, though. You may love your niche but remember, not everyone shares the same love for tropical terrapins or the latest WordPress plugins that you do.

Some more thoughts from SBIers:

The number of people who write to me each and every day telling me how much my information-packed website has helped them makes me feel humbled.Patty Knutson, Vegan Coach

I wake up excited every morning. There is nothing like the sense of accomplishment that I feel when I learn something new or master a new skill.Crystal Maleski, Make Dinner Easy

I now have a business that I can grow over the years. A business that is fun. I’ll never do a 9 to 5. I’ll always own my own life.Nori Evoy, Anguilla Beaches

What are your feelings about being a solopreneur?

Step 3: Plan Ahead

Rehearse your script:

You don’t want a formal script to work to. Especially not to family and friends. Not even at a Zoom event. But you do need a clear idea of what you want to say. And if you’re at a meeting that may have some impact on your business, it’s even more critical.

What you’re writing is an emotional job description. So start here:

Officially, my job is…

And then, move quickly onto:

What that actually means is I … and I can…

And finish up with something like this:

That’s a great place to be, because it makes me feel…

Acknowledge the difficulties:

Life and solopreneurship, of course, are not always like that. The last nearly two years have shown us that. We all have our down days, and creating a successful online business can be frustrating at times, isolating at others.

So sure — be positive. Share the passion. Create the spark that lights a room. Grab your audience’s attention.

But think beforehand about whether you might benefit from asking for help, too. It’s not a sign of failure — no one can do everything a solopreneur has to do, in isolation, and keep their equilibrium. If you don’t have a support network, maybe now’s the time to create one.

Plan an answer to the demands of family and friends:

It’s not justanswering a directly asked “what do you do” question. Sometimes it’s more subtle than that.

It’s the telephone call when you’re in the middle of writing an important piece of content: “I just need you to help me choose the Christmas tree / pick up my laundry / take me to the doctor / pick the kids up from school…”

Or the knock on the door from a friend at a loose end / needing marriage guidance / wanting to hang decorations with you…

All of which stems from a similar misunderstanding. Now that it’s possible, choosing not to return to an office surely means you don’t have a real job, and you must, therefore, be available.

That misunderstanding has to be put right.

Because what you do is full of wonder and magic and potential. You do it (or you will do it) because you love to do it, and because it makes you feel a huge sense of achievement.

But you’re not writing your content as some kind of curious hobby you can pick up and put down as the mood strikes.

You’re creating a — hopefully successful — online business. A business you’re passionate about, but a business nonetheless.

So be prepared. Set your business hours and make clear they cannot be disturbed except in emergencies.

The answer to the “what do you do?” question in these circumstances may have to be a little stronger.

Finally…

• Think about what you’re going to say before the event. After all, it may turn into a business opportunity.
• On no account talk, detail by excruciating detail, of the ins and outs of your work. Make sure you have engaged your audience emotionally so that they want to know more.
• If talking about your feelings all sounds a little too vague and airy-fairy, start the conversation by sharing what you do, or what your job title is. But keep it short. One sentence. No more than thirty words.
• Then talk about why you do what you do. And about how what you do makes you feel.
• By all means share your passion for your chosen niche, but don’t be scary about it.
• Make clear if you need to that being a solopreneur is not a hobby. It’s a business. It’s a happy place, yes. And it’s a happy place with earning potential. It can’t be trifled with.

And finally — most importantly — watch out for eyes glazing over this holiday season. Don’t turn what could be a perfectly nice, albeit socially distanced, event into a yawning bore-fest.

And — wherever you are, however you’re celebrating this holiday season – have fun!

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Cath Andrews

Having taken early retirement from work in social care, Cath Andrews describes her "day job" – her online business, Raising Happy Chickens – like this: I spend my time doing what my mother calls “playing on that blasted computer all day” – and I love it. Having started from a nil knowledge base and now able to share my knowledge globally to people who really appreciate it gives me great joy. And that’s as important to me as the money the business makes.

Latest posts by Cath Andrews (see all)

• Start a Passion-Based Business and Live Your Dream - February 1, 2023
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